The world has been taken over by zombies, you’ve just had to off your other half with an axe to the temple, and you’ve only got an umbrella and a bread knife to dispatch the undead hoards. Here are our classic ways not to survive a zombie horror movie
Relax and take it easy
Take your time over everything. Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to run from your problems? Relax…chill… Wait, did you leave the gas on? Better go check. Make sure you find that family heirloom too. Zombies take life at a leisurely pace, so why can’t you? Look for a small hut or shed you can rest in, and make sure to leave the windows open for some fresh air.
Keep it in the family
When your weedy sister or stubborn father gets bitten, make sure you don’t give up on them. They may not act like the family members you know and love anymore, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get unashamedly hysterical over it all, and refuse to kill them. Is one of the humans threatening to kill your reanimated sibling? Kill him for disrespecting your zombie family’s honour.
Disobey the clever one
In your survival group there will be an obvious leader that everyone is listening to for advice. Ignore his clever ideas, rail against his helpful leadership, and do your own thing. Well thought out plans can only get you so far, what you need is rash bloody-mindedness, and plenty of it.
Always go back
Remember that guy that was nasty to you in the last scene? He’s got himself stuck underneath a lorry and the zombies are closing in on him. Put aside your differences, it is now your moral obligation to pathetically attempt to save him and put your own life in jeopardy.
Get Depressed
You’re tired, you’ve broken a nail trying to take out your history teacher, and that girl you were starting to have a thing with has just had her head bitten off. The tears are a coming, and it all gets too much. Fall to your knees and take a time-out. I’m sure the ravenous zombies will give you some space whilst you collect your thoughts
For more ways on how NOT to survive a zombie movie, go to Zombie Undead
