I have quite a high patience for crap movies, in fact, I even love some movies for the sheer fact that they are so bad that they're perversely entertaining. However, even I have a limit.

This is without a shadow of a doubt one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The acting is more wooden than the trees in the 'forests' that the peasants walk through. The dialogue is stilted and everyone seems bored as hell speaking it. The large scale battle scenes on the back of the DVD case don't even exist. The battle scenes consist of about six people at a time and that's at the absolute most.

The one part of the movie I was interested in was the casting of Billy Zane as the king. Zane is normally fabulous at exuding menace when cast as the villain in a movie. However here he manages to both look incredibly bored, therefore giving an absolutely piss poor performance, while looking like a complete smug bastard. He was probably thinking that even though he's in a movie that is complete tosh that he was still going to get paid a stack of money.

Another thing that bugged me were the costumes. The peasants have apparently been walking through the forests for years at the order of the king. If this is true then why do all their clothes look brand new? It's the same with the soldiers. They're apparently the best of the best, battle hardened bastards yet their armor have no marks what so ever on them and shine so brightly that it's actually really distracting.

I'm not sure what the hell the director was thinking with some of his decisions. It's as if he wasn't there at all and then saw the movie and thought "screw it, that'll do. Where's my money?"

There's even a moment where a midget who has been badly painted yellow turns up, dies, then turns up again. It's a bit like a Noel Fielding sketch but it makes less sense!

There are no special features at all although that wouldn't have even remotely come close to saving this pile of turd.

If you ever wanted to see what an episode of Xena: Warrior Princess would look like if made using the change found down the back of your sofa, then by all means watch this. I for one, really want those 83 minutes back of my life that I just wasted watching this crap.